I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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