I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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