I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
