didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
