I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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