What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
