Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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