Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
