oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
