It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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