The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
