By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
