watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize