also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
