Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
