if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Everclear isn't food dammit
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
