Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
When are your genitals available?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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