We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
