So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
