K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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