Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
