yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
