roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize