i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
