i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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