Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
