if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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