nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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