so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
So many bounce houses so little time
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
