Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It's blow job season.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize