ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
