My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize