The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
