Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
