They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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