I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
