Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
