Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize