and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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