You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i think im in europe. pls send help
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