A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
