I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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