she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
