ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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