apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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