Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You ruined the universe
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
