So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
