i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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