I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize