i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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