I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
