good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
