this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
