OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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