we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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