matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
