Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
