Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
