I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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