I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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