Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
