i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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