I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
