My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
