just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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