ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
