Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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