My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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