Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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