OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
