if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
