just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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