And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
