At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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