The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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