At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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