I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
