cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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