well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
