I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
