i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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