i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
