if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
