Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I will be naked everywhere
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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