just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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