the day after is always just damage control
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
