Can i not drive my cunt home
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Randomize
