Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
