im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
