So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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