I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize