Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
